Are They Made From Real Girl Scouts?

My kids are outside right now telling the neighbour kids that the watermelon has real sugar babies in it.

PHOTO CREDIT: CHEEZBURGER

clearance is my favourite word

You know that commercial where the woman runs out of the store screaming "START THE CAR!" to her husband? It totally happened today.

We went school shopping and stopped at the children's resale store my sister works at. And these happened.

 

 

Kids shoes for $3.50? Sign me up.

Then we went to a discount store in the same plaza (think Giant Tiger, K-Mart kind of place) to look for lunchbags. That was a bust but while waiting for my sister to pay for her pillows I spotted a table with clearance items on it.

But this was no regular clearance sale. O.M.G.

First up, this gigantic mirror was regularly $14.99.

50¢! Sold. And the "crack" is about 1/2" in the bottom of the frame that no one will ever see.

Then I saw a multi phone charger. Since my hubby stole mine this morning (which, yeah, was technically his...) I was in need.

 

1 broken adapter, which isn't even actually broken, the casing just snapped off. So, another 50¢ item.

We don't usually use bug spray but we've got a big hike coming up that may need a little more than my homemade version so I splurged another 50¢.

                 

 Broken lid? Big deal.

Then some eyeliner.... I've never used this brand but for 25¢ I'm willing to try once.

And finally this guy... who wasn't on the super giant clearance sell-out rack but was super cute and my kiddos have been begging for a sprinkler. We splurged on this one at $2.99.

So we had a major shopping spree for a total of $11.73 today. We never did manage to find suitable lunchbags though...

Boys and their Toys

Once, a friend broke away from our conversation to holler, "Caleb! Stop touching your penis, that's private!"

I laughed that nervous I don't have children laugh and sighed, "Boys. Once they find their penis they never stop touching it."

Fast forward 12 years and 2 boys later I finally have a revelation....

I. WAS. RIGHT.

Ohmygoodness some days I'd swear that every other word in my house is penis. Penis jokes, penis playtime, it's a 'let's be naked and grope ourselves all the time' funhouse around here.

I realized it the other night, lamenting with my sister who is also lucky enough to be the Mom of a boy, that ALL the stories we share about our kids involve penis stories. It's not because we want to talk about our kids penises all day but because WE HAVE NO OTHER STORIES TO SHARE.

"Mom, why are they called beans and wieners?"
"Because sometimes people call them wieners instead of hot dogs."
Boy stands. "Wiener! Just like my wiener!" Gyrates his hips at the lunch table. *classy, my boy, so classy*

"MOM! Look how big my penis grew overnight!" *how do I explain morning wood?*

"Mom if I pull this back it's a surprise!" *SURPRISE!*

Boy, running away from my desk with a ruler. "I'll be right back Mom, we just have to check something!" *Comparing... already?*

"Hey N, let's use our penises like swords and be knights!" *Is THAT what they used on the battlefield?*

"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"The letter P"
"P who?"
"P-E-N-I-S and you don't have one!" Hysterical laughter.

So, you know, just in case you wondered what I do all day, this is it. I listen to penis talk and penis jokes and since my kids want to be nudists forever, I get to look at them flopping around while they do the most graceful things like somersaults and wrestling.

Ain't life grand?

Sounds Like Science Fiction To Me

Sharing a picnic table with a senior at the park yesterday, he asked me what I was doing on my "gadget".

Me: "Reading the newspaper."

Him: "You seem to be forgetting the paper part."

Me: "Indeed I am, but it's really quite convenient."

Him: "Sounds like science fiction to me."

Me: "I still find it amazing, the things these phones can do."

Him: "If it's so advanced, why does the glass crack?"

PHOTO CREDIT: AndroidCentral

You win this time, old man in the park.